Dream Talk #48

I had the volume on my phone all of the way up so as to not miss any calls from a company that is interested in me (cue heavenly chorus) but so I forgot to turn it on silent when I went to sleep, so an email at 1:50am from Kohl’s about a sale woke me up with a start. It woke me up just enough that I spent the next 3 hours lucid dreaming and ugh it was not pretty.

In the first dream, I felt something slither across my back. It wasn’t a short slither however, but a long slither that spread across the my whole dorsal side and lasted for several minutes, the continuous S movement of some unseen shadow serpent sending silent tremors of terror throughout my body. I could not move or even gasp. I could only lie there, wide-eyed and paralyzed until the slithering ceased.

The second dream, which may have been a continuation of the first, included other worldly noises and menacing shadows that danced and crept around my room. I was still paralyzed and silent and terrified, unable to even close my eyes from the threatening shades. While probably the most uneventful, this was the longest lucid dream.

The final dream was I think entirely separate from the other two. I think I might have been able to actually restfully sleep for a little while because I was able to move, albeit only minimally. I was on my stomach this time when more unearthly howls shook my bed. I was able to shift to my side and open my eyes to see my room trashed, littered with random junk and refuse. Another gust of howls sent pieces of the junk flying around my room, crashing into walls and narrowly missing me (again I was paralyzed and could not dodge, only watch). Whispers and creepy laughter joined the howling. Eventually I was able to close my eyes again and that was the end of my lucid dreaming.

Dream Talk #47

I don’t remember much from this dream aside from there was a car decorating competition. And I don’t mean like detailing and using car paint, but like barfing scrapbook supplies all over it. I just remember I had some silver sedan (not my car irl) and I added brown satin ribbon racing stripes to it, framed by those fake half pearls.

One of my competitors had a yellow vw beetle and pimped it out with strips of Lisa Frank cheetah print paper.

Another had a motorcycle but I sadly don’t remember how that was decorated.

Then something happened and this guy with a lime green car covered in purple stick-n-peel rhinestones started driving into things (including other cars) and left the lot where this competition was taking place. Me and a few other people decided to chase after him, so basically there was a high-speed chase (but sans any police haha) on the highway.

And that’s all I remember, sadly.

Dream Talk #46

I had two distinct dreams.

(1)

My family, and hundreds of other families, lived in this ice cave. Our whole civilization was there, basically. I’m not sure what it was, but there was a threat to our little community and so we decided to leave the ice cave. Everyone was packing up and getting ready to move out when then the dream suddenly twisted to us defending our homes instead of getting ready to abandon them. What we were trying to defend against, however, was a natural disaster. It was this glacier that moved rather quickly and brought waves of freezing water that ebbed and flowed before it like a tide.

To preserve our history, everyone then began packing books and other written artifacts from our culture into the northern-most wall of the cave, using snow and ice as mortar. While many were doing this, others were building barricades. (Although like a barricade is going to stop a glacier heh).

Once we were done, the dream switched to abandoning our homes again, as barricades were destroyed and dispersed with ease by the great cold waves that danced before the glacier. There was no hope at stopping the massive chunk of ice from crushing our homes, so we began to scramble up the northern-most wall of the ice cave, to the top of a high ledge.

I was slow and the bone chilling waves crashed into me before I even started to climb. I was tossed about for a bit and then spit back out on the solid cave floor as the waves receded for a while. Somehow, I was able to making it to the top without my climbing at all. I must have climbed but the dream never showed it.

Most of our community made it up to the top of the ledge. We all just sat there, and watched the waves engulf our homes and the glacier bulldoze them like it was nothing. The glacier finally stopped moving about 30 feet from the edge of our ledge.

The elders of our community then decided that we should build our new village atop this glacier.

(2)

I was moving back into my parents home. My room in this dream was like a combination of my room and my sister’s room in reality. On the south wall, there was the big panel of windows and the walk-in closet on the west, things that belonged to my old room. On the north wall, however, there was also closet space, with the sliding doors and narrow strip of storage that was reminiscent of my sister’s room.

The room was also much larger than either of those rooms, or at least seemed that way since there was only a stripped down twin bed in the southeastern corner of the room and no other furniture.

My parents were helping me unpack and jovially talking about the times when I was a child. That was when I heard a raspy voice call my name. It came from the walk-in closet, which in reality has a wooden door like the door to the room, but in the dream had instead a shower curtain to divide off the space and give the dresser (on undresser) some privacy. Neither of my parents seemed to her it, so I ignored it and continued unpacking.

My dad handed me a box of clothes and warily made my way to the walk-in closet, pulling aside the plastic curtain. I stared at the empty closet for a moment before stepping inside. As I hung up clothes, the raspy voice whispered to me, angry I had returned. Angry that I was still alive.

The plastic shower curtain suddenly wrapped itself around me, choking me. I twisted and fought with it and fell out of the closet into the main part of the room.

My parents, alarmed, ran to help me and get me untangled from the curtain. I ran, tears streaming from my face, from the room and out of the house. They ran after me and hovered around me while I sat on the curb and calmed down. While I was still snotty and sobbing, my dad muttered something about how I should be over my fear of closets. I had never told them why, always saying it was too small of space and I was too claustrophobic. I had never told them the truth. Once I calmed down, I asked them to sit down next to me on the curb and I began my tale. 

I told them of how, ever since I was a child, that walk-in closet had always frightened me, but not for the reasons they thought. Ever since I could remember, there was a voice in that closet, a raspy voice that only spouted threats and hate. It was all talk then, so I tried my best to ignore it and kept my closet door shut whenever I wasn’t getting dressed.

One day, the threats weren’t just words anymore. I was getting dressed when suddenly the closet door slammed shut and I was locked inside. The voice laughed and threatened me more as cried and shouted and beat the door. That was the day they (my parents) had the door taken out, thinking I had locked myself in as lots of young children do.

My mom had insisted I get a curtain to use as a door for the closet, but I adamantly refused. And so I spent the rest of my years in the house with the gaping hole of my ever-open closet and the voice talking to me whenever I was in my room, as it seemed that regardless of what partition we had for the closet or didn’t, the voice could not leave the closet. (Which I was so thankful for.) I never told anyone for fear that I would be seen as crazy.

When I went off to college, I enjoyed the silence of my room when my roommate wasn’t there. No raspy voices, no threats, no menacing whispers. I was glad to finally be free. I never went home during my four years of college, and that was the reason why. As my senior year passed quickly by, though, I realized that I would have to move back home for a while. Determined to not be tormented by a bodiless voice stuck in a closet, I decided to arm myself with knowledge.

I looked through the endless records and articles in the school’s library and learn some things. There was a man who had once lived in our house, and hung himself in that walk-in closet. The voice, I believe, is his spirit, stuck there for all of eternity it seemed. But why threaten and berate and torture me? What had I done to the him other than cower and cry, a terrified child, as he, or well his spirit, showered me with insults? I dove deeper into the records and found that he had relatives who were still alive. I tracked down these people and inquired about him.

They were wary of my inquires, but when I told them I had grown up in the house he had died in and was just interested to know who he had been, they showed me a box of his old things.

Inside the box were some old books, a pocket knife, loose change, and a bunch of old photographs. None of them, however, were of the man. Instead all of them were of a woman with dark hair. His relatives told me she was a singer named Hannah that the man had been obsessed with. Like really obsessed. We talked for a bit longer and I thanked them for the information as I left.

Later that week, I found some more information on that singer, Hannah. Apparently she was bound for stardom, but that all changed when her sister, Helga, fell ill and Hannah ended her career to take care of her sister. I stopped cold. The voice had often called me Helga when he was really upset with me. I shivered and continued my search.

Eventually found a picture of Hannah and her family. My jaw dropped. Sitting next to Hannah was none other than Helga, but her face… Helga’s face was mine! (At this point I showed my parents the photo and they too were shocked by the uncanny resemblance).

And so the poor man who had died in my closet mistook me for Helga. He blamed her, and thus me, for Hannah’s squashed career. A rabid fan even in death.

Once I had finished my tale, my parents we silent. We sat for a while on the curb until…

… I woke up.

Dream Talk #45

I had two distinct dreams last night.

In the first, the bearded dragon of one of my friends gained the power of human speech and she took videos of him and they became youtube famous. She would upload skits she did with him daily and held weekly live chat sessions in which she and her dragon answered questions from fans.

In the second, I was at some used book/video games/DVD/CD/record etc store kind of like a V-Stock combined with Vintage Vinyl. My sister was looking for some bluegrass record but didn’t find it so we just wandered around the store for a bit. She found an old Powerpuff Girls game for the GBA that we used to play. I stumbled across a boxset of Natsume Yuujinchou and a Nyanko-sensei plushie. It was a day of good purchases.

Dream Talk #44

I just finished watching Natsume Yuujinchou last night so of course I dream about it.

I was in some house with Natsume and his human friends and we decided to play hide-and-seek. Some of Natsume’s youkai friends (that I was able to see apparently) showed up and joined in, too.

I don’t really remember much else, other than I hid behind a statue of a yak and was one of the last people Natsume found. And that it was a lot of fun! :D

Dream Talk #43

I had a dream that my landlords owned this clothing shop and omg it was fabulous.

I got this really pretty black shimmery sundress, a pink starry sweater-shirt, a red tartan skirt, and a couple of other items I can’t recall. And it was really cheap, too! Basically the store was kind of like Forever 21 or H&M or something but with Arc Thrift prices. It was so rad.

But it was sadly just a dream.

Dream Talk #42

Basically the recurring suffocation dreams have not stopped. :/

I had thought it was because I was spending the last few days in my parents home and the fact that since my car is back in Colorado, I can’t be as independent as I normally am. Also you know, the whole graduating in 2 months and finding a job looming over my head, and not wanting to have to move back in with my parents completely.

But yellow roses as well as other symbols of friendship (and specifics, like tattoos, etc that those friends have) are indicating it’s not my parents who are suffocating me, it’s my old high school friends.

These dreams are warnings. Warnings that if I stay in Missouri, I won’t be able to chase my dreams or reach my full potential. Warnings that I won’t be as happy as I normally am because god my high school friends are still so drama filled. Warnings because although we all (mostly) still get along and share at least some similar interests, we are all changing and growing and evolving. And my evolution is on a much different course than theirs.

For the past several months I’ve been struggling so much over where to live after graduating and where to look for jobs. The past few days and nights have confirmed for me that for my own sanity and health, I cannot move back to Missouri, not matter how much I miss and care for those friends.

It’s time to give in to the blazing wanderlust that lies within my soul and begin a new life somewhere far away…

Dream Talk #41

I repeatedly had nightmares last night that I was suffocating.

In some of them owner-less hands covered my mouth and nose and clawed at my throat. In others I just felt high pressures against my chest preventing me from breathing. In others still, I heard disembodied laughter as invisible limbs choked me.

I woke up from all of these dreams gasping for air.

And here’s doodles from the past few months. I’m not doodling nearly as much as I used to… It’s kind of sad, really.

Since it’s the birthday of this blog here’s a post with some of the things I doodled last year but was too lazy to upload.